Monday Humor : Male and Female Rules @ The ATM
Here’s our usual Monday Humor. I’m actually on schedule this week. Hooray! I apologize in advance to the women readers but I thought this was pretty funny. That doesn’t mean I agree with it though ;).
A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: “Please note that this Bank is
installing new “Drive-through” teller machines enabling customers to
withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.”MALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.FEMALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write deposit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
Happy Monday!!
Tags: Funny, Humor, Jokes, Laughter, Lifestyle, Mens-Lifestyle, She Knows Best Jokes, She-Knows-Best-Lifestyle, Women JokesRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Attitude, Humor, Lifestyle, Tips & Tricks
45 opinions for Monday Humor : Male and Female Rules @ The ATM
Handbags Blog » Monday Humor : Male and Female Rules @ The ATM
Apr 7, 2008 at 11:02 am
[...] Excerpt from:Monday Humor : Male and Female Rules @ The ATM [...]
Rick
Apr 7, 2008 at 11:20 am
You have met my wife then?
Aaron
Apr 7, 2008 at 11:27 am
Ha. Women. They’re so inept at doing anything at all.
dummy
Apr 7, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Funny.
justLauren
Apr 7, 2008 at 3:52 pm
$10 says Aaron is a virgin
Eva
Apr 7, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Ha. Men. They’re so inept at doing anything at all. Except maybe sit on the couch all day while we cook and clean.
Jayme
Apr 7, 2008 at 4:49 pm
are you serious? This is sexist and completely incorrect. Men have to make up dumb jokes like this to over compensate for the fact that women are the smarter sex.
Aaron
Apr 7, 2008 at 5:43 pm
Ha. Woman. Good thing men still own everything…
Me
Apr 7, 2008 at 6:58 pm
If you have to apologize BEFORE you write or say something, then you should probably rethink what you are about to do.
scotty
Apr 8, 2008 at 5:32 am
how can you say this about your own gender 0_0 this is exactly the kind of thing we need to be working against!
Dexie
Apr 8, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Oh My Gosh. It’s a joke. FYI, I’ve posted Men jokes here, the male readers never cried foul. They understood it was a joke. Everybody needs to relax.
Fighting against this my ass. Men aren’t fighting for their manhood and egos when jokes are written about them. Interesting….
B
Apr 8, 2008 at 2:26 pm
I guess a male wrote this.. How many times can a women empty an empty purse? And how many diaries and wallets are in that empty purse?
….but there is a little truth there though ;) my parking brake is not working anymore :S
Paulius
Apr 9, 2008 at 5:41 pm
I love this…not the joke, because it’s been going around in email forwards since the mid 90’s.
What I love is that it’s impossible to post ANYTHING on the net without some douche taking it too seriously and calling it sexist, racist and lots of other things ending in ‘ist’. Then, for some reason the comment flame war always finds its way to George Bush, the environment or some other such shit that some reactionary asshole got of Fox News.
It’s the internet. It’s a joke. Lighten to fuck up.
Rudy
Apr 9, 2008 at 6:55 pm
God DAMN you sons of bitches lay the fuck off! Women are people too you cuntbag fuckstain retards! Jesus holy fuckers! Shit! SHIT! You ignorant douchefags can’t seem to understand how offensive this bullshit is getting. If you all had girlfriends instead of fucking computer games you’d understand why your ignorant fucking “jokes” go to jesus far.
Nah, I’m just messin witcha. It was funneh.
Really?
Apr 9, 2008 at 8:09 pm
Really…you guys are debating whose the smarter sex?
Anyone involved in the debate is a retard, regardless of sex. There isn’t a smarter sex. Some women are smart, others are dumb. Just the same as some men are smart and others are dumb.
Take this for what it is…
A funny Joke.
Fyodor
Apr 9, 2008 at 9:53 pm
I don’t see what all the fighting is about. There are some women that are this stupid. I’ve been behind them at the ATM. But there are lots of men who are equally as stupid. As well as lots of women who make 90% of men look ridiculously dumb. Let’s just all agree on the fact that it’s not men or women alone that are stupid, it’s just people in general.
Anon
Apr 9, 2008 at 11:14 pm
QUOTE -Jayme “This is sexist”
You misspelled funny.
Mee
Apr 10, 2008 at 12:03 am
Only insecure women would feel offended by this. Smart and confident women know otherwise. Really, the only reason you get so anxious is because you’re afraid that it might be true.
P.s. I’m a woman.
TheGabe
Apr 11, 2008 at 11:41 am
I’m male, and maleist jokes make me laugh.
You offended women need to lighten up and get that it’s a joke, and it’s not serious, on account of that being kind of the definition of a joke; it not being serious and all.
Really the biggest difference between men and women is that if women make a sexist comment, 1. they’re feminists, and get applauded, and 2. men don’t give a shit.
If men make a sexist comment they’re chauvinist pigs and at least 60% of women will get pissed off.
TheGabe
Apr 11, 2008 at 11:42 am
Oops i forgot to say that the joke was ace :p
justLauren
Apr 11, 2008 at 7:24 pm
Darnit… why did I put my real e-mail address and not the explosive one?
–
Honestly though, the joke was so-so… not even hilarious once you’ve heard it more than once. I on the other hand, have “purty” good stuff… just can’t find them right now.
B
Apr 11, 2008 at 11:15 pm
If it weren’t true, it wouldn’t be funny. The popularity of this post serves to prove its legitimacy. Stop bickering.
L
Apr 12, 2008 at 9:15 am
Let’s all just “love” another… I bring loveeeeeeeeeeee… woowoowoooo.
SHASHA
Apr 13, 2008 at 10:34 am
everyone settle down, we all know that men are jelous of our mad lady skills
Monday Humor : Men’s Guide To Women’s Hormonal Days
Apr 14, 2008 at 3:31 am
[...] last week’s Monday Humor was so controversial I don’t know how to top it so I’m just going to try to help you guys a bit. Well hope [...]
sexIgurlM39
Apr 18, 2008 at 10:51 am
Omigosh dis is totalli not tru lol, we gurlz r well smurter dan dem stupide guys !
Lee
Apr 18, 2008 at 3:04 pm
….=.= im disappointed…
this is just a joke…so calm down…this MIGHT have been true waaaay back in the days but highly doubt that.
what some ppl say is true though, some women and men are smarter, and some are…y’know.
but some women who posted comments…im wondering where theyre at, because if they had more self-esteem about being a woman, they wouldnt care and just say to yourself that its no reason to be getting all mad about and just give up on trying to be mad…=.= disappointment
?wat?
Apr 18, 2008 at 8:20 pm
WHAT since when did you drive up to an ATM
i live in Australia and we walk up to them here
lol
i agree with many of the posts here
lighten the fuck up
if you dont like go cry in the corner AWAY from people like me who can take this as a joke
Oh well
nothing i can do
NamelessForTheSakeOfTheJoke
Apr 19, 2008 at 9:58 am
I’m sorry to say that this is what our 21st century “oh, let’s not be too hard on our kids” generation has grown up to be:
A bunch of mindless, self-centered, egotistical dicks who turn the simplest joke into a reason to call men sexist and prove even further that we need to start slapping our kids around again and make them get their heads out of their ass.
I found this joke funny, becuase I know so many women who relate to it. Oddly enough, I KNOW MANY MEN WHO RELATE TO THIS TOO!
See, it’s not sexist. It’s a stereotype, and one that fails to be broken easily, as stereotypes go.
It’s BECAUSE this stereotype is still found which is what makes this funny. It’s a joke that people can relate to.
Argue whether the joke is funny or not, not whether the person who wrote it is sexist or not.
Clue: heads out of asses.
CD
Apr 20, 2008 at 3:48 pm
My husband forwarded this to me saying that the discussion after the joke is the funny part. I couldn’t agree more. Men and women are equal in value but different. YES, I have done pretty much all those things listed (though not on one trip), so what? I’m a college-educated, intelligent woman, do I need to have mad skills at the ATM machine? Men are just as inept at some of the things women excel at, that’s the way our creator intended it. My husband is a brilliant engineer but his communication skills can be quite humorous. You can’t be good at everything.
All the sexist bashing is disrespectful and accomplishes nothing. For the women who find this joke so reprehensible, watch e few sitcoms. Most of the women are sexy and clever and lots of men are inept dufuses (I don’t know how to make dufuss into a plural). The playing field is fairly even in the bashing. We need to either be able to joke about the shortcomings of each sex without tears and angry words or start giving the opposite sex the respect they deserve. People live up to our expectations and continue what we give the most attention to: unwanted behavior.
Quibbley
May 4, 2008 at 10:51 am
Obviously shopped.
Willy
May 5, 2008 at 4:44 pm
$50 says any woman who finds this sexist has done exactly this in the past and has her panties all in a bunch over it.
oli
May 6, 2008 at 9:06 am
all this fighting is geogre bush’s fault. if it wasn’t for all this fighting we would be able to focus on the environment!
fox is an excellent station
Chiz-ance
May 6, 2008 at 9:08 am
NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP!
NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOOOWN!
ItisWhatitIs
May 6, 2008 at 12:20 pm
It’s a joke. All of the sensative woman out there that are offended should go to the nearest of three thousand woman self help motivational men hate groups and be among other miserable people of the same gender.
Wow it’s a joke. Of course if the gender roles in the joke were reversed I bet non of the woman would be saying anything. Hypocrites and they know it. HAH! I have you all pegged correctly. Now can you tell yourself all of this is a joke and life has more serious issues? Breath…breath..
Ross
May 6, 2008 at 3:04 pm
Any woman who finds this offensive needs a sharp slap to the face to bring her out of her hysterical rage… so she can then go make us men a nice cup of tea.
p.s. you just LOST THE GAME.
hehehe
May 6, 2008 at 8:15 pm
Women are just mad because they have to wait in line at public restrooms. *joke*
BTW.. Looking for a beautiful woman who can cook and clean…. ;)
E-mail me at: Its@DamnJoke.com
Tiff
May 6, 2008 at 8:22 pm
most of that, yeah ok some really stupid women might do it…so wasn’t that funny. but the parking break…i think it is in our genes :(
and it’s just a joke…really the only thing i found offensive was that dumb aaron kid but seriously some people are just ignorant so get over it.
Odin
May 7, 2008 at 7:56 am
“everyone settle down, we all know that men are jelous of our mad lady skills”
“Omigosh dis is totalli not tru lol, we gurlz r well smurter dan dem stupide guys !”
Ha.
And, yes, it is all Bush’s fault. We must focus on the environment, so as to further our thinking capabilities so that Fox can continue to be the best station.
Anonymous
May 8, 2008 at 1:25 pm
The real problem here is that there are women commenting on the joke instead of cooking their man a nice dinner. WHO LET YOU OUT OF THE KITCHEN!?!?!?
eva
May 10, 2008 at 11:38 pm
Yeah,that’s me.And I’m proud of it.
some dude
May 11, 2008 at 11:43 am
might i recommend “The Alphabet of Manliness” by Maddox
A Smart Person
May 19, 2008 at 11:36 am
Take a look around you. Who invented/built everything in plain site. It’s alright, my dinner was moderate.
pft.
Jul 6, 2008 at 2:19 pm
You girls are so fucking sensitive.
You would never see a guy bitch and moan about a “sexist” joke about men.
DaMan Conners
Jul 8, 2008 at 8:26 am
OMG! I just got home and my sister put me through hell when she went to the ATM machine. So funny. It only takes about 2 mins for the whole proccess. Well for me it does. But when it comes to my sister for get it, mights as well take a nap. what makes me laugh is when the people behind us start to beep the horn!!!!
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